Goodbye Columbus

Actors: Richard Benjamin, Ali MacGraw, Jack Klugman, Nan Martin, Michael Meyers, Lori Shelle, Royce Wallace

Rating: 7 out of 10, A reach back to the late 1960s for a movie that fascinated a young version of myself when it first came out. It didn’t hurt that it featured Ali McGraw. I don’t think there’s a single guy my age that didn’t fall in love with Ms. MacGraw in the late 1960s. We all wished we were the ones sitting next to her at the dinner table in this movie, for a number of reasons. She plays a pampered Radcliff college girl and poster child for Jewish American Princesses everywhere who’s dabbling in romance with an unacceptable suitor to defy her doting parents. It’s more about class as the suitor comes from the old neighborhood before the girl’s parents successfully moved to the suburbs as nouveau riche. It was also reminiscent of the sexual politics facing the onslaught of the 1960s as good girls were expected to save themselves for marriage. There are some very funny moments as the guy deals with a hostile mother, a latent homosexual brother lost reliving his college athletic prowess, and the little sister from hell.  While some of the movie hasn’t aged well, like the heavy handed caricatures of life in the well to do suburbs, Ms. MacGraw is still luminescent

MVP: Ali MacGraw as the object of adolescent love Brenda

Blade Runner 2049

Actors: Ryan Gosling, Harrison Ford, Ana de Armas, Sylvia Hoeks, Robin Wright, Mackenzie Davis, Carla Juri, Lennie James, Dave Bautista, Jared Leto

Rating: 9 out of 10, The future does not look promising in Blade Runner 2049, a movie I was really “jonesing” to see. I finally got to the cinema to check it out and was definitely not disappointed. While the filmmakers were genuine to the original classic this sequel was told in a huge and sweeping fashion versus the crowded original. Deckard’s story is picked up thirty years later as the blade runners are now replicants themselves hunting down older versions of themselves. Ryan Gosling is fantastic as the dedicated blade runner being played by at least three competing groups. I was most struck by the photography depicting a vast and dying world which is genuinely complimented by a sneakily good musical score. The movie centers of the people (and replicants) though and repeats the earlier film’s premise of questioning what true “humanity” is. I loved it.

MVP: Gosling as the replicant blade runner

Wind River

Actors: Jeremy Renner, Elizabeth Olsen, Gil Birmingham, Jon Bernthal, Julia Jones, Kelsey Chow, Graham Greene

Rating: 9 out of 10, This is a very stark outing with the desolate, but spectacular, winter landscape of Wyoming playing a major supporting character and reflecting the barren lives of the main characters. Jeremy Renner continues to evolve as an actor and exudes gravitas as a taciturn hero with the weight of the world on his shoulders but still in hot, if understated, pursuit of justice for a murdered Indian girl. His Avenger co-star Red Witch more than holds her own in the talented cast in the crucial role of the sole FBI agent also trying to track down the killer. There are several startling shootouts in the cleverly crafted tale. Gil Birmingham, in an all too small part, once again steals every scene he’s in as a grieving father. This reminded me in a lot of ways of CJ Box’s outstanding novels set in generally the same area. I can’t recommend this movie highly enough. I think Renner is going to be something very special as he reaches middle age and settles into the parts Tommy Lee Jones has outgrown.

MVP: Jeremy Renner as Cory Lambert

It

Actors: Jaeden Lieberher, Bill Skarsgård, Jeremy Ray Taylor, Sophia Lillis, Finn Wolfhard, Wyatt Oleff, Chosen Jacobs, Jack Dylan Grazer, Nicholas Hamilton, Jackson Robert Scott Rating: 9 out of 10, I always liked the TV version shot a couple decades ago and went into this with the resultant chip on my shoulder. The film won me over by the sheer talent of the young actors portraying the doughty Loser’s Club battling Pennywise the Dancing Clown, the ancient evil haunting Derry, Maine. Especially the actors portraying Bill and Beverley who capture the awkward adolescent romance in the midst of fighting ultimate evil. The plot centers on the immense bravery of the Losers and the seeping evil of Derry that’s central to King’s work. I thought they’d be in way over their heads trying to take this on but it was great. And scared the bejesus out of me.

MVP: Bill Skarsgård as the very scary Pennywise the Dancing Clown

Collateral Beauty

Actors: Will Smith, Edward Norton, Keira Knightley, Michael Peña, Naomie Harris, Jacob Latimore, Kate Winslet, Helen Mirren

Rating: 8 out of 10, I know this is getting absolutely scoured by the critics. I don’t understand the vitriol since this movie is worth seeing simply for the assembly of actors if nothing else. A lot of the critics seem to think it’s too “sappy” and since I’m a sucker for a sentimental story maybe my opinion is explainable. Will Smith is a tower of pain as a father who lost his daughter and his once promising life is spiraling into disaster. His friends/co-workers come up with a hair brained scheme to jolt him back into reality after reading letters he composed to time, love, and death. There were two very distinct and well set up twists that I’m going to have to re-watch for missed clues. I really liked the movie and its message of hope in the even the most desperate lives.

MVP: Smith as the long suffering father Howard

Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe

Actors: Jesse Ventura, Sven Ole-Thorsen, Damian Lee, Jerry Levitan, Marjorie Bransfield, Jim Belushi

Rating: 1 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films was Jesse the Body Ventura’s obvious attempt to emulate the success of the Governator in 1980s action films and he fails spectacularly. He even brought along Arnold’s designated bad guy, Ole-Thorsen, who acted circles around Ventura which is very, very telling. They both play galactic cops with interest in a young child back on earth. Ventura looked every bit the 10,000 years his character purports to be and gets his ass handed to him in every single fight. I really didn’t understand that technique. Jim Belushi appears as a completely inept high school principal for no discernible reason. I’m trying to imagine a reason to recommend this but am failing almost as badly as The Body.

MVP: Sven Ole-Thorsen as Secundus

Death Machines

Actors: Ron Marchini, Mari Honjo, Ron Ackerman, Edward Blair, Michael Chong, Joshua Johnson, John Lowe

Rating: 0 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films was a very poorly staged kung fu flick which might have been funded by the Equal Opportunity Commission. A Japanese gal wearing possibly the worst tall hair wig in movie history creates a team of invincible assassins, one each black, white and Asian. She sends them after a porn-stached bad guy with limited results. The “heroes” who fight back are uniformly idiotic or unprepared. The fights are so amateurishly staged that Mr. Bruce Lee must have turned over in his premature grave. This is the type of film that killed the promising kung fu trend it tried to take advantage of.

MVP: No one

R.O.T.O.R.

Actors: Richard Gesswein, Jayne Smith, Margaret Trigg

Rating: 0 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films was an uninteresting and poorly executed mish mash of terminator and Robocop themes set in 1970s Dallas. It reeked and not in a good way if that is even possible. The inevitable Evil Corporation and allied politician force the early deployment of a robotic policeman. The robot doesn’t look even mildly robotic but still begins executing motorists for traffic violations which is problematic, even in Texas. There was really nothing to recommend this film on any level.

MVP: No one

Giant of Metropolis

Actors: Gordon Mitchell, Bella Cortez, Roldano Lupi, Marietto, Omero Gargano

Rating: 0 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films was yet another Italian sand and sandal epic featuring a poorly dubbed American strongman in the “Hercules” role. Here he’s called Obro and he’s on his way to a scientific city of Metropolis to tell them their science is out of control. At least I think that was what was happening. The poorly dubbed English was hard to follow at times. We had the usual imprisonment, the customary well-endowed princess falling for Herc, and a really strange exotic dance inserted in the middle for no discernible reason. None of this made this worth watching and I used to like this type movie – I must have had a damaged youth.

MVP: Bella Cortez Princess Mecede

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Actors: Charlie Hunnam, Jude Law, Àstrid Bergès-Frisbey, Djimon Hounsou, Aidan Gillen, Eric Bana

Rating: 7 out of 10, Guy Ritchie directing an Arthurian story was bound to be fun and it was on certain levels. This is the first time we see Arthur growing up as a London pimp and crime lord but Ritchie does crime lords so well. His pell-mell editing style was a little forced in this type story but I still found the movie very entertaining but I think you have to be kind of geek to truly enjoy it, which, of course, I readily admit to. This is the first thing Charlie Hunnam has done that I liked him in. He genuinely surprised me while, almost equally startling, Jude Law disappoints. He plays the evil Vortigen and seems almost disinterested at times in a part where he could have chewed up a lot of scenery. The movie is all over the place but you expect that from Ritchie as he tries to find his voice in every movie. I don’t think he ever truly finds it here but I enjoyed his search.

MVP: Hunham as the semi-good king

Life Returns

Actors: Onslow Stevens, George P. Breakston, Lois Wilson, Valerie Hobson, Stanley Fields, Robert Cornish

Rating: 0 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films was really weird and that’s saying a lot. It’s a depression era film featuring a real doctor’s experiment to revive dead dogs. It would be hard to imagine this film making it beyond a bar room joke nowadays but in the 1930s this was looked upon as almost magical. The film was every bit as bad as you can imagine with the final scenes involving the actual experiment where a dead dog is brought back to life. Before that we have to sit through a depression era story of a hubris fallen doctor friend of Dr Cornish, who plays himself in the film. The friend’s son’s dog is euthanized and he swallows his pride to bring it to Dr Cornish to revive. It was all kind of creepy.

MVP: The dog, I guess.

Baby Driver

Actors: Ansel Elgort, Kevin Spacey, Lily James, Eiza González, Jon Hamm, Jamie Foxx, and Jon Bernthal.

Rating: 8 out of 10, The film is very, very good with star turning roles for Ansel Elgort and Lily James. They play a young couple just discovering each other while he tries to extricate himself from life as a getaway driver. The criminals are a strength as both Jamie Foxx and John Hamm ooze menace while Kevin Spacey is up to his old tricks of stealing scenes. Music plays an important role throughout and maybe that’s where I fail because I have zero musical ability. It’s a cute story with some incredible driving but we’ve all seen that before. The last half of the movie truly rocks as Baby tries to balance both of his worlds and fails spectacularly. I know I’m all over the place here and while I really liked the movie I didn’t love it which is what I expected.

MVP: Lily James is luminescent as the object of Baby’s desire - Debora

The Bat

Actors: Vincent Price, Agnes Moorehead, Gavin Gordon, John Sutton, Lenita Lane

Rating: 1 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films wasn’t a sci film at all so I’m not sure how it ended up in this collection. It was a murder mystery but since sci veteran Vincent Price was involved I guess they thought they could sneak it by us. It also had Agnes Moorhead which caused me some severe Bewitched flashbacks whenever she spoke. A renowned author is summering in a remote mansion outside a small town where all the leading citizens are either embezzling or murdering each other and some wierdo is running around wearing a mask and a set of claws. Stilted dialogue and a preposterous plot dragged down the game acting as this wends to a very predictable surprise ending.

MVP: Vincent as the not so good doctor

The Manster

Actors: Peter Dyneley, Jane Hylton, Tetsu Nakamura, Terri Zimmern, Norman Van Hawley

Rating: 1 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films tells the story of an American foreign correspondent in 1950s Japan who interviews a mad scientist only to be identified as a perfect subject for the next experiment. The scientist had already used his brother and wife in prior failed jaunts down the evolutionary trail. It’s a little bit of campy fun as the reporter starts growing a second head on  his shoulder while running amuck amongst the geisha girls with his mad scientist enabler at his side. This was actually pretty well acted despite the incredibly stupid plot. The literal split personality ending had me laughing out loud.

MVP: Terri Zimmern as Tara the seductive assistant

Night of the Blood Beast

Actors: Michael Emmet, Ed Nelson, Steve Dunlap, Georgianna Carter and Tyler McVey

Rating: 0 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films was every bit as ghastly as the title would imply. A black and white Roger Corman effort from the late 1950s which tells the story of the first manned US space shot. In compliance with Corman’s usual frugal budgets the space agency is run out of a California hillside by a group of six people. The spaceship crashes upon return and the ground crew recovers the astronaut’s body only to discover it’s inhabited by a bunch of alien embryos. Momma monster soon follows, the astronaut wakes up from the dead, and the odd head is taken off. Monster effects were ludicrously bad but that is to be expected in this genre.

MVP: Ed Nelson as the very confused scientist 

Galaxina

Actors: Avery Schreiber, Stephen Macht, J.D. Hinton, Lionel Mark Smith, Tad Horino, Dorothy Stratten

Rating: 1 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films was one of the few of these films I had heard of. This was the last film of Dorothy Stratten before she was killed and despite being surrounded by non-stop idiocy she demonstrated some real screen presence. She plays a beautiful robot who falls in love with one of the crewmembers and uses their time in cryo-sleep to improve herself. The film is a not very clever attempt to lampoon everything from Star Wars to Star Trek to Alien but never approaches anything really funny. It was hard to look away though anytime the title character appeared on screen.

MVP: The doomed Ms. Stratten in the title role