Bluebeard

Actors:  Richard Burton, Joey Heatherton, Raquel Welch, Virna Lisi, Sybil Danning, Nathalie Delon, Marilu Toto

Rating:  3 out of 10, this movie was a gag gift from a great friend who remembered what a big deal this movie was when it came out in 1972.  It was huge then because it involved an A list star and a topless scene from Miss Heatherton which was newsworthy, at the time.  Watching this again I am embarrassed for Mr. Burton and if you watch closely you can almost see him wincing at some of the ridiculous lines he is forced to utter.  It's a shame that one of the finest actors of any generation, no longer around to defend himself, sold out and took a pay check for this rubbish.  The story makes little to no sense as Burton plays a German baron who is also a serial murderer of women who annoy him.  It provides a series of beautiful women for no other reason than to take their clothes off, annoy the baron, and then get offed.  Heatherton was attractive but could not act, not even a little bit.  She is called upon to carry large parts of the movie and is utterly incapable of doing this.  Her scenes with Burton are cringe worthy.  Whoever put this movie together, if they're still alive, should be considered criminals. 

MVP:  Burton as Baron Von Zepper, embarrassed to be in this but still a great actor

Book of Eli

Actors:  Denzel Washington, Mila Kunis, Gary Oldman, Ray Stevenson, Jennifer Beals
Rating:  8 out of 10, very solid apocalyptic tale of redemption.  Washington is so good in everything he does and here he plays a loner on a mission in a world devastated by what looks like nuclear war.  He caries a mysterious Bible, which may be the last in existence.  He runs into bad guy Oldman who just nails evil every times he tries it.  Who would have thought that the one true actor in The 70's Show was Kunis but she has established true screen presence and she more than holds her own here with both Washington and Oldman, not an easy task.  Stevenson, one of my favorite actors, plays an assistant bad guy but still adds some unexpected layers.  The action scenes are extremely well choreographed with Washington demonstrating some true prowess with a sword.  The color in the movie is very washed out adding to the bleak feel and the haunting music is perfect in setting the tone.  The director does a good job of leading the audience down the path of explaining Eli's quest which is simple enough but transcendent at the end.  I really liked that despite all the glamorization of violence in the movie in the end Eli realizes he has missed something important. 
MVP:  Washington as Eli, the simple and extremely dangerous man on a divine mission

Bridesmaids

Actors:  Kristin Wiig, Maya Rudolf, Jon Hamm, Jill Clayburgh, Chris O'Dowd, Rose Bryne, Melissa McCarthy
Rating:  8 out of 10, a totally enjoyable comedy that provides an interesting female viewpoint that is extremely rare in R rated comedies.  I've always liked Wiig's performances and her brand of humor.  She's the driving force here and has her funniest moments in the quick side comments she is so good at.  As I said, this is an estrogen driven comedy that is still very appealing to guys, at least this guy.  The story revolves around Annie (Wiig) dealing with some challenges in about every aspect of her own life while trying to be the maid of honor for her best friend.  Bryne plays a rich bitch bridesmaid who tries to horn in on Annie's prerogatives.  Again, this is a female point of view, I think most guys would think, oh a rich friend willing to fund this great party and be fine with it.  McCarthy as the over weight and totally inappropriate bridesmaid has most of the biggest laughs outside Wiig.  Annie finally gets control of her life and finds love with O'Dowd who is an English Wisconsin state policeman, don't ask.  One of the funniest scenes is Annie trying to get O'Dowd's attention by repeatedly running through a speed trap he has set up.  Hamm looked to be having a lot of fun as the heartless cad.  A lot of guys dismiss this movie as strictly a chick flick, for me funny is funny and this is a very funny movie.
MVP:  Wiig as the semi-hopeless Annie struggling to be the Maid of Honor honorably

Cedar Rapids

Actors:  Ed Helms. John C. Reilly, Anne Heche, Isiah Whitlock, Kurtwood Smith, Alia Shawkat, Stephen Root, Sigourney Weaver
Rating:  9 out of 10, a movie that really surprised me.  When I first started watching this I hated the Helms character, thinking, what a wimp!  But by the end of the movie he is totally transformed into a modern day hero.  You are allowed to love this guy because of his wimpiness, he becomes a transcendent hero - against all odds.  How a movie makes an insurance salesman lovable tells you all you need to know why this is a great movie.  It is a great ensemble cast with Whitlock, Smith, and Heche just handing all the scenes to Reilly and Helms.  Helms is a revelation never wavering from his complete nerd but again, making this something to yearn for instead of have contempt for. You cringe and revel in Helm's romance with his high school teacher, Weaver. I've been to the mid-west and this is not an exaggeration - they are the nicest people I've ever met.  While some would say Helms' Tim Lippe is a characterization - there really are people this nice and unashamedly so.  This is what is so great about this movie - it allows you to channel your inner geek.  Instead of trying to be cool and acceptable - be nice.  I love it when a movie plays against type and that is in full force here.  The best scene in the movie is when Whitlock who has been a completely mild guy until this point plays at being a hood from The Wire.  It's a great comment on society's fear of the angry black man.  Watch this movie and bask in the mid-west nice.
MVP:  Reilly as Dean Ziegler the completely inappropriate but completely solid friend

Crank 2: High Voltage

Actors;  Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Dwight Yoakam, Efren Ramirez, Corey Haim, Bai Ling
Rating:  5 out of 10, a total train wreck (I mean they cast both Haim and Ling in this) of a movie that was such a disappointment after the first Crank movie which was so good.  All the same characters are back, even the ones killed in the first movie.  It's basically the same story but without any of the thought and charm of the first movie.  Statham is Chev Chelios who somehow survived a high altitude fall from a helicopter onto a city street that ended the last movie.  He's had his heart stolen, literally, and must recover it from a Chinese gangster.  Now Chelios must keep recharging his artificial heart with static electricity while he kills his way across L.A.  What was so cool about the original was the single minded drive of Chelios as he spent the last minutes of his life trying to kill the guy who poisoned him.  Now we have Chelios as an almost Jason Vorhees type character that literally can’t be killed.  The directors obviously had some studio oversight on the first one that quelled some of their worst instincts and produced a cool, niche movie.  Due to the success of the first movie those constraints were apparently taken off and we now have some of their worst ideas in full view.  Did we really need to see the Latino gangster cut his own nipples off?  They did seem to have a lot of fun making the movie as the out takes during the final credits attest but they should have spent more time in the editing room.  Maybe the film makers were just reacting to the earlier constraints by thumbing their noses at those constraints and just seeing how far they could push the envelope.  They push it pretty far.  It is fun to watch and try to identify all the actors making really minor cameos throughout the movie.
MVP:  Yoakam as the Doc Miles giving Chelios advice over the phone on how to survive and performing heart transplant procedures in his living room

In Time

Actors:  Justin Timberlake, Amanda Seyfried, Olivia Wilde, Cillian Murphy, Alex Pettyfer, Vincent Kartheiser
Rating:  7 out of 10, interesting concept that was a little thin to base an entire movie on.  The biggest revelation in this movie is that Timberlake has actually become an actor.  Here everyone stops aging at 25 but then have only one year of life left.  Time is the currency of the society with the rich blessed with hundreds of years while the poor live, literally day to to day.  Timberlake's character comes into possession of a hundred years which brings him into the sights of both the police force, called timekeepers, and the criminal element.  He hooks up with rich kid Seyfried and then spends the rest of the movie falling in love and running from place to place trying to get more time.  Seyfried is almost unrecognizable in a short red wig but she and Timberlake make an interesting pair.  Murphy plays a relentless timekeeper in hot pursuit while Pettyfer is the head criminal.  Since everyone looks 25 there are some interesting asides such as when Timberlake meets Seyfried alongside her mother and grandmother and they all look the same age; Wilde in a very small part plays Timberlake's mother.  I like that Timberlake doesn't try to over emote as most singer wanna be actors do.  He is very impressive in this and carries the movie effortlessly.  He more than holds his own in his scenes with Murphy who is a very talented actor.  As I said above, great concept but by the end of the movie it feels really stretched; I liked it but felt it could have been more.
MVP:  Timberlake as the hero Will Salas emerging as a fine actor in his own right

Drive Angry

Actors:  Nicholas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fichtner, Billy Burke, David Morse
Rating:  8 out of 10, I absolutely loved this movie when it first came out but last night, when I was watching it for this review, it struck me as a lot more silly than I remembered, probably because of the mood I was in.  I still love the movie as a straight good versus evil but I like the shading of the evil part.  You have a good man who turns out to be a flawed guy who escapes from hell to save his granddaughter.  Cage, once again, struggles with the physicality part because he is such a wimpy looking guy. He is however such a good actor that he is believable.  Heard is smoking hot no matter what her real life inclinations might be and she can act, obviously.  There are a lot of little background themes that I liked, such as Cage struggling with new technology that has arrived since he last "died". (see the movie and that last comment will make sense)  It's a great observation of just how fast technology is sweeping over us.  This movie was marketed as a big 3-D adventure and there are obvious shots in the movie that are in only to highlight that technology - I hate that. Fichtner is fabulous as a well dressed demon sent to bring Cage back.  I just loved the way he interacted with people who had no idea who they were dealing with.  This movie is camp taken to another whole level - I mean a massive gun fight taking place while the hero is in the middle of having sex and there is no interuptus - it is so funny.  I really liked this movie even though it is at times incredibly silly.  It has everything a guy's movie should have:  violence, sex, hot women, and a redemptive hero; what's not to like.
MVP:  Fichtner as the Accountant a really well dressed and dangerous minion of hell