Horror High

Actors: Pat Cardi, Austin Stoker, Rosie Holotik, John Niland, Joye Hash  

Rating: 1 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films got me a little revved up as the opening credits rolled because I recognized a number of names as NFL players from the 1970s including a fair number from the Dallas Cowboys. With the exception of Niland they were all just briefly glanced on screen, which is probably a good thing considering how bad this was. A high school nerd bullied by both faculty and students discovers a potion that grants him Mr. Hyde like powers. Bullies are soon dissolving in a vat of acid left in the middle of high school science class (huh?!) and having their heads lopped off with the old paper cutter ploy. The monster is kept in the shadows for his entire screen time which must have saved the obviously severely limited special effects budget. Totally forgettable.

MVP: Pat Cardi as the nerdy monster Vernon Potts 

Robo Vampire

Actors: Robin Mackay, Nian Watts, Harry Myles, Joe Browne, Nick Norman, George Tripos 

Rating: 0 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films and we may have a winner for the skin crawlingest worst of the entire process. It wasn’t just the Chinese vampires who literally hop everywhere as their chosen form of locomotion. This seemed to be a random series of scenes from a number of movies that were spliced together to form a true abomination. Chinese drug lords commission vampires to protect their drug smuggling operation. They can be controlled to hop in the right direction with post it notes stuck to their foreheads. The police respond by resurrecting a dead policeman as a Robocop which in this case meant a lot of hockey equipment spray painted silver. He stamps around usually surrounded by the hopping vampires but neither seem to be able to do much damage to each other. There’s also a tragic romance between two star crossed lovers who committed suicide to be with each other in the afterlife (huh?). She turns into a white witch while he’s a super-vampire wearing a gorilla mask (I. Am. Not. Kidding.) While all this sounds like it might evolve into some sort of glorious mess – it doesn’t and then it ends in the middle with nothing resolved.  

MVP: No one, they should all be ashamed.

Raiders from Atlantis

Actors: Christopher Connelly, Gioia Scola, Tony King, Stefano Mingardo, Ivan Rassimov 

Rating: 1 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films could have been titled Mad Max comes to the Caribbean. Some vets fresh off a successful kidnapping just happen to cruise by an offshore oil platform which is trying to raise a sunken Russian nuclear sub. For some reason that causes the lost continent of Atlantis to rise and turns some of a local island’s residents into biker gangs straight out of Max Rockatansky’s worst nightmares. They set about killing everybody else until the vet’s boat arrives. You still with me? Not a lot of sense and some heroically comically staged fight scenes. You realize how good Mad Max was when you see this pale copy. The lead actor was really familiar but I couldn’t place him until I did the old IMDb thang and saw his impressive list of 1970s TV credits. Really. Bad. Movie.

MVP: Tony King as Mohammed or Washington, I never figured out which

Crater Lake Monster

Actors: Richard Cardella, Glenn Roberts, Mark Siegel, Richard Calkins, Dan Turner

Rating: 1 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films was a monster flick set in a California lake with a dinosaur emerging to feast on the local inhabitants whose only crime seems to be their lack of education. The monster was laughably bad looking like a poor man’s attempt at Harryhousen country. It more closely resembled something my granddaughter would construct out of playdough. That being said the special effects were better than the acting and the musical score which was grating. There was that "thrilling" climax of a fight between the monster and a bulldozer. A really bad movie but watchable for the rampant unintentional comedy throughout.

MVP: Cardella as wooden Sheriff Steve Hanson 

Fugitive Alien

Actors: Tatsuya Azuma, Jô Shishido, Miyuki Tanigawa

Rating: 0 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films was so bad as to almost defy description. A Japanese alien invasion flick which features an alien soldier, you know that because he wears a blonde wig, who refuses to kill humans which doesn’t sit well with his overlord. The rest of the movie has him crisscrossing the galaxy with a Japanese space ship with an unclear objective in mind. The signature move of the aliens invading is simultaneous somersaults into the air. It must be a Japanese thing. This was wretched and not even enjoyably so.

MVP: No One

Future Women

Actors: Robert Conrad, Jonathan Banks, Karen Austin, Robert Webber

Rating: 1 out of 10, The latest in my journey through 100 bad sci fi films was an obvious made for TV vehicle with the “smirker in chief” Robert Conrad sleepwalking through it as a retired CIA agent called upon to deal with a cybernetic assassin that’s gone off the rails. It was very predictable and by the end I found myself hoping the robot would win as he takes on the inevitable evil government and tall hair of the 1980s. Jim West should have known better.

MVP: Austin as the assassin’s main target and Conrad’s love interest

Kingsman: the Golden Circle

Actors: Colin Firth, Taron Egerton, Mark Strong, Edward Holcroft, Hanna Alström, Sophie Cookson, Julianne Moore, Halle Berry, Pedro Pascal, Elton John, Channing Tatum, Jeff Bridges

Rating: 9 out of 10, The original Kingsman was one of my favorite movies over the past few years. I’m a huge fan of director Matthew Vaughn but he does seem to struggle with sequels. The Golden Circle had all of the trademark cheekiness of the original but it lacked some of the spark that made it so unique. Taron Edgerton still balances his suave secret agent personae with his lower class upbringing as the very challenged hero. He’s trying to maintain his romance with a Swedish princess while endeavoring to thwart a worldwide contamination of illegal drugs. Don’t worry – it’s not supposed to make sense. Two of my favorite characters were killed off this time but no one’s death seems permanent in this property, just ask Colin Firth. Juliann Moore camps it up as the villain running her nefarious plot from a diner in the jungles of Cambodia and her “go to” weapon – a meat grinder. Like I said – it doesn’t have to make sense as long as the action and gadgets keep coming at the relentless pace. So, not as enjoyable as the first Kingsman foray, but still a lot of senseless fun and chaos.

MVP: Egerton as the emergent Eggsy