Actors: Robin Mackay, Nian Watts, Harry
Myles, Joe Browne, Nick Norman, George Tripos
Rating: 0 out of 10, The latest in my
journey through 100 bad sci fi films and we may have a winner for the skin
crawlingest worst of the entire process. It wasn’t just the Chinese vampires who
literally hop everywhere as their chosen form of locomotion. This seemed to be
a random series of scenes from a number of movies that were spliced together to
form a true abomination. Chinese drug lords commission vampires to protect
their drug smuggling operation. They can be controlled to hop in the right
direction with post it notes stuck to their foreheads. The police respond by
resurrecting a dead policeman as a Robocop which in this case meant a lot of
hockey equipment spray painted silver. He stamps around usually surrounded by the
hopping vampires but neither seem to be able to do much damage to each other.
There’s also a tragic romance between two star crossed lovers who committed
suicide to be with each other in the afterlife (huh?). She turns into a white
witch while he’s a super-vampire wearing a gorilla mask (I. Am. Not. Kidding.)
While all this sounds like it might evolve into some sort of glorious mess – it
doesn’t and then it ends in the middle with nothing resolved.
MVP: No one, they should all be ashamed.
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