Actors: Robert Patrick, Linda Carol, Ed
Crick, Bob Schott, David Light, Paul Holmes, Peter Shilton, Ursula Marquez, Elizabeth
Oropesa, Bruce Le, Jang Lee Hwang, Richard Norton
Rating: 3 out of 10, The latest in my
journey through 100 bad sci fi films wasn’t as bad as the vast majority I’ve sat
through over the past couple months. It wasn’t good by any stretch of the
imagination. It stole themes from Raiders of the Lost Ark, Star Wars, Mad Max,
the Terminator, 1970s Kung Fu movies and melded them into a glorious disaster.
The film starts out in the distant future of 2025 where a lone warrior in a post-apocalyptic
wasteland learns the age old lesson that taking on tanks with a crossbow is not
recommended. He’s trying to find the spear of Longinus to transport him back to
the 1980s where he can avert the apocalypse. He succeeds only to die shortly
after arrival. He entrusts the spear to a very young Robert Patrick (long before
his T1000 days) and his comely girlfriend to unite the spearhead with the shaft
and save the world. They set out on a world tour with Nazis (?!) in hot
pursuit. Patrick’s role in the film seemed to be see how many different ways he
could get his ass kicked. It ranged from bikers, to gangsters, to one of those white
haired kung fu dudes, the aforementioned Nazis, a muscleman, an assortment of
Mongols, midgets, and finally some female Amazon warriors. He really should be
assessed for CTE following this performance. The movie ends in the Philippines with
the girl friend wearing a flowing white dress through the jungle trek and
repeated battles. Almost too silly to fully credit but some awkward fun along
the way.
MVP: Robert Patrick as Slade the most
beat up leading man in movie history
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